Locale 4: Osaka

May 15

*An ad on the train. Listen, I’d buy this guy’s book. Look at that collar.*

Day 7 (continued): A Mix of Traditional and Modern Japan

May 15

Steps walked: 27,551
Flights of stairs climbed: 18

Kyoto and Osaka are only 30-60 minutes apart by train (depending on the line you take) and they run pretty much all day, so I didn’t bother making a reservation for this leg.

The first thing I noticed stepping off the platform in Osaka was that we were in a giant shopping mall. The second thing I noticed was a blaring reel of Jurassic Park, Indiana Jones, and Harry Potter music—which was extremely disorienting, since my brain immediately thought, “Orlando?” Nope, Osaka happens to be the home of Universal Studios Japan. Since we’d already made our itinerary for the city a bit tight, we didn’t have time to visit, but we did check out a Disney park while we were in Tokyo (more on that later).

Our third hotel: The Royal Park Canvas Osaka Kitahama

This hotel was by far the most ‘Western contemporary’ and had a vibe like it was supposed to be a business hotel for trendy young professionals. It had a DJ performing in the basement at midnight on weekends, whiskey tasting menus, and a full service coffee bar.

*Fun fact: Japan is actually ranked third in worldwide coffee consumption.*

Since we arrived in the evening, our options for finding a place to eat were limited. After a bit of deliberating, we decided Osaka would be the perfect place to try this wacky Japanese restaurant we’d heard about from a friend, and we headed off toward a district called Dotonbori to grab a table. Dotonbori is famous for its giant neon signs and busy nightlife—in many ways, it reminded me a bit of the Las Vegas Strip. It’s also a rumored hotspot for Yakuza activity (aka the Japanese Mafia), so it’s probably one of the few locations in Japan you might get ripped off if you’re super careless. Apparently the common scam is to lure tourists into a Yakuza-run bar or restaurant using pretty girls, serve them food and drinks without posted prices, and then bring them a massively inflated bill. Think going to a sports bar, opening a tab, and finding out you were getting charged $20 per 12oz can of Coors light. But, like I said, these seedy places are easy to pick out because they always have suggestively dressed hostesses out front with really mean looking bouncers standing in the shadows just a few feet behind them, so you won’t exactly get scammed unless you have zero situational awareness.

Of course, we didn’t have to worry about it at all, because we already knew where we were headed: a chain restaurant called Bikkuri Donkey.

Bikkuri Donkey was founded after a Japanese man named Akio Shoji ate at a McDonalds while visiting Hawaii in the 1970s and went, “Dang, this place seems really popular. I should get into the hamburger business.”

If I’m going to be in another country for a while, I always like to try out at least one “American” restaurant so I can see what that country’s imagining of “American food” is. Most iterations I’ve had are absolutely terrible. Bikkuri Donkey is the exception. Mr. Shoji had the vision. He really gets us.

*That’s so crazy, Bikkuri Donkey. I love cheese, too.*

*Thankfully all our ordering was done via kiosk, so we didn’t have to look a server in the face while we ordered enough food for 5 people.*

*The vibe of the decor was kind of vaguely Texas/spaghetti western. We were into it.*

*Hamburger steaks, rice, fries, and cherry beer. Note the license plates and car decor in the background. We found it super charming.*

Fries were served by this adorable little robot. It had nonexistent collision prevention technology and kept body checking the poor human waitstaff in between cycling through its cute winky face animations. I’ve never worked so hard to hold back laughter in my life.

*Of course we had dessert! You can get away with eating like this when you walk 12 miles a day.*

*Dragonfruit, mango, and soft serve. Dragonfruit is originally from Mexico/Central America but it’s super popular in a lot of Asian countries. I’m also a fan.*

Walking around Dotonbori. Pretty lively for a Thursday night!

Neither of us are big into hitting bars/nightclubs while traveling—in my opinion, getting hammered feels pretty much the same anywhere you go, so it’s not worth the loss of leisure time the next morning/day while you’re nursing a hangover. There’s a few exceptions to the rule, but in this case, I don’t have much to report on the nightlife of Osaka because we spent the rest of our evening in a 7-story discount store called Don Quijote.

Don Quijote, also known as Donki, is a massive Japanese discount store chain. The ones in major cities are like 7+ floors, frequently open 24/7, and absolutely packed with everything from groceries to tourist gifts to clothes and electronics. And I mean packed—the aisles aren’t even wide enough for two people carrying baskets to fit. It’s a very chaotic place, but I found it pretty fun to wander around and see what random products we could find.

Frisk is a brand of mints that were originally sold in Belgium but became SUPER popular in Japan. When I saw this in the Donki I knew I had to try it (even though I knew it probably wouldn’t be good, and it wasn’t).

*We were absolutely losing it at this brand of ‘performance enhancing’ candy tablets called Cheat.*

*Magikarp hat? You can find it at a Donki.*

*The Great Wave off Kanagawa playing cards, featuring Hatsune Miku. I absolutely bought these.*

It was about midnight by the time we got through the 7 floors of the Dotonbori Don Quijote, so we stopped through a couple more stores and made our way back to the hotel.

*I’m always entertained by the use of quotes for emphasis because my brain interprets them as sarcastic finger quotes.*

*Japan has some absolutely massive crane game arcades.*

Day 8: The Castle and the Mall

May 16

Steps walked: 20,682
Flights of stairs climbed: 11

The room had a terrible view, but at least the lobby was cool.

Our first full day in Osaka had a hilarious start. I remembered we were on the 17th floor in the middle of the city and excitedly opened the blackout curtains to discover that our view was of a bunch of HVAC units at the center of the block. Oh well. Breakfast awaited.

*Very solid breakfast spread from the Royal Park Canvas.*

*Another wild translation where I have to assume no one knew ‘substandard’ has a universally negative connotation in English. I’m 90% sure they meant they use overripe fruits for their smoothies.*

*A lot of hotels have overly soft bacon, but Japanese hotels seem to cook it to a medium rare. I still ate it.*

*Furikake is a dry condiment (basically a seasoning mix often made of bonito, powdered miso, or other flavorful ingredients) often sprinkled over rice. Jeff was a big fan of all their options.*

After fueling up for the day, we hopped on the metro and headed for our first major destination of the day—Osaka Castle.

*Imagine if there was a 500 year-old castle in the middle of Chicago. That’s Osaka.*

*There’s a lot of really nice park areas and running/biking trails along the outer moat.*

*This is the Octopus Stone, the biggest single stone used in any castle in Japan. Me for scale.*

*These are called Shikoku stones and are highly prized for use in garden ornamentation (for obvious reasons).*

Osaka Castle

If you’re a fan of the award-winning FX series Shōgun, you’re probably somewhat familiar with Osaka Castle. One of the most prominent seats of power in Japan during the late medieval/early modern periods, the castle now rests between blocks of skyscrapers in the heart of the city.

The main outer ramparts and other fortification walls are original to the first construction, but like many historical landmarks in Japan, parts of Osaka castle have been destroyed and rebuilt many times. The main tower was restored in 1931 after burning down in 1655, and that reconstruction got destroyed in World War II. The current version of the keep was actually completed in 1997! It’s still cool to look at from the outside, but we didn’t bother going into the inner museum since it’s a modern concrete building.